How To Help Your Teen Cope With Stress
By Brooke Ferragamo, PhD
You know that there is something bothering your 15-year-old…
But you haven’t been able to have a real conversation with her since she started high school. Instead of joining you for family dinner, she insists on taking her food to her room so that she can eat while studying. Maybe she seems more irritable or tired, but isn’t that just normal teenage behavior?
When the school counselor notifies you that your daughter has left her classes due to panic attacks multiple times in the past few weeks, you decide that it is time to take some action.
What can a parent do to help?
Remind them that you support and love them no matter what.
Almost every single teen and parent I have spoken with have expressed a desire for stronger family connections, mutual understanding, and for the teen to be able to meet their parents’ expectations.
Worry about “being a disappointment,” or “letting people down” has been a major feature of many a teen’s list of stressors. As their parent, you have the power to reduce their stress level drastically by reminding them of your unconditional love and support.
Ask about their stress, and then listen to what they have to say.
My 4 years of providing school-based counseling in Bay Area high schools clearly demonstrated to me that high school is socially, academically, and emotionally demanding. This is also a time when family members can begin to drift apart and focus more on jobs, extracurriculars, and social lives.
When you do have the chance to talk to your high-schooler, it can be tempting to try and impart as much wisdom as possible in the form of unsolicited advice. I want to propose a different way of connecting.
This may seem obvious but you can learn a lot by asking your teen about their life, and then listening without jumping immediately to advice giving.
When you withhold judgment and resist the temptation to give advice, you gain valuable information about your teen’s friends, academics, and mental health. You also give them an opportunity to feel closer to you.
Model healthy coping behaviors.
Even if your teen dismisses you, or seems annoyed by your advice, they are always watching. Taking steps to improve your own ability to cope with stress can be helpful in many ways:
You can illustrate how to fit healthy coping skills into a hectic adult life. For example, you could make the decision to take a short walk around the block instead of doom-scrolling on social media when you are visibly stressed. If you’re feeling especially daring, you can invite your teen to come along.
By demonstrating how to take better care of yourself, it is likely that you will improve your own capacity to handle life’s challenges, including parenting!
Set clear expectations and follow through
Be strong: Do not let your fear of upsetting your child prevent you from fulfilling your duties as a parent.
When your teen does not know what is expected of them, they can become even more anxious. For example, if you expect that they clean their room every Saturday make this expectation crystal clear, as well as the consequences for not following through.
If you are concerned about your adolescent’s mental health, risky behavior, or the influence of their friend group, you should be having these discussions early and often.
Don’t be afraid to seek professional help for yourself.
Many of my teen clients have expressed some degree of trepidation about asking for help, and express that they feel as though they should be more self-sufficient like their parents seem to be.
Remember that your kids are likely very observant of your activities. When you recognize your own need for help, you make it safer for your adolescent to ask for help
Parenting a teen is not easy, and we are here to help. Contact us today to schedule your free 15-minute consultation.
